Spring's Lucky 13

When spring finally starts to poke it's head through the cold winter ground its like waking up from a nice, long, restful nap.

Naturally, the first thing that I want to do when spring has sprung, or when I wake up from a nap I suppose, is go shopping. For things. Many many many new spring things. Tanks! Skirts! Sandals! A new purse! Yellow things! Blue things.

I can probably tell you why Spring is my favorite time of year, and why Easter is my favorite of all holidays. I trace it all back to my shopping mother. Every year for Easter I would get a new dress, replete with fancy white tights, little white patent shoes... and a new purse, gloves, hat, poncho, earrings, necklace, etc. Easter basket? Nay, I say, Easter shoes! Easter bracelet! Easter pocketbook!

I'm not so much into the little white gloves these days, though.

Alas, it is 2011, and my bank account is sad. Tanks and capris abounding I am not destined to have this year.

We can dream though, no?

I like to pretend that a well dressed and very generous fashion genie comes upon my house, and grants me 13 fashion wishes for this year's Spring/Summer wardrobe. Yes, 13, not 3. I said he was a very generous genie. Here are my picks:




Right now, embellished tanks, like this pink one, are only $10 at Old Navy! I may have bought a white one yesterday...

And I might have also bought this leopard cardigan... Also from Old Navy.

I might actually own this top, from Loft. I should probably check my closet.

I enjoy this top, from Anthropologie, because if I were to wear it I'd feel like a really cool Asian hippie.

Well, isn't this a snazzy little number, from Halston? I'd love it more if it was $3.75 instead of $375.00.

I hope I don't sit in a pile of chocolate when I wear these white linen pants, from Loft.

I'd love to own these Gap jeans because they would make me feel like a sailor, and ever since I read Moby Dick I've secretly wanted to become a deck hand on a whaling vessel.

What is better than a skirt, like this one from Ann Taylor, that completely covers my cellulite? Perhaps a basket full of onion rings, but that's about all that I can think of that I'd prefer to owning this skirt.

I wanted JPS to buy this Coach wristlet for her trip to Italy, but she slapped me, called me stupid, and told me that the bag was ugly. I, respectfully, disagree. I love the little wristlet.

Oh Kate Spade bag, Kate Spade bag... wherefore art thou $395? I wish I could afford ye.

I love these Helios stud earrings from Anthropologie. Its like my ear is the solar system and my ear hole is the earth, or something like that.

A neutral espadrille is to Summer as cream is to an oreo, except you can't eat an espadrille. Nor can you eat summer. From Dolce Vita.

I love seahorses and seashells and things with seahorses and seashells on them, like towels and blankets and little bags and these sandals, from Mystique.

Lucky Thirteen

Enjoying the snow?

Me either. Lets talk about Spring.

I know you don't believe me, but I promise you... it's coming.

And nothing warms me from the inside out, on a snow laden day, like imagining myself foraying out into the warm Spring air for the first time in a new outfit.

I'm not sure if the word "spring" should be caplitalized, but I'm going to continue doing that out of respect for warm weather, which I am so desperately in need of.

If you're like me, you have a massive arsenal of clothes that you've accumulated throughout the years that will still be perfectly good outfit contenders this Spring and Summer. That being said, every good wardrobe needs a bit of brightening and freshening up now and again... think about throwing open your bedroom window wide and letting the spring breeze (minus the pollen) enlighten and enliven your closet.

Having a late winter birthday may be the greatest gift my parents have ever given me. Oh March 14th, how you have bestowed upon me fashion greatness. My plan has been to hoard any gift certificates that I receive for Christmas and combine them anything that I receive for my birthday... and plan a big ol' Spring fashion shopping spree in March.

Below are thirteen items that are meant to inspire you, get you amped up for Spring, and bring some new life to your dreary almost-end-of-winter closet. I know they'll all be featured guests when I go on my birthday spree (anyone want to come with?)

After a few seasons of dark, skinny jeans, I'm ready to lighten and loosen up. From Loft.

For the spring and summer, I love pretty floral dresses. I dress them up for work with heels and a sweater, or I'll wear them on the weekends with flipflops. This one is from White House Black Market. When in the hell did it become White House Black Market + random other colors?

I feel pretty, oh so pretty, when I put on a sweater in a pretty spring color, like this one from Old Navy.

Every spring I have to stock up on some more pretty tanks. This one, from Old Navy, is adorable... and cheap.

Sometimes in the springtime, I like to go to Germany and frolic through the woods looking for wild flowers and mushrooms. When I do that this year, I'll wear this shirt, also from Old Navy.

This year, I must own something yellow. Its like the sun has risen all over my torso. This yellow button down is from Ny&co, and is washable/no iron!

It wouldn't be spring for me unless I bought something striped and nautical (I actually just bought a nautical tee yesterday at Tjmaxx, but I digress) This sweater is great for those early spring days, when its still a wee bit nippy. From Loft.

I like to wear skirts, like this one from Gap, because then no one can see my fat legs.

I love a casual cotton pant. I own this pair, from Loft, in 3 colors and plan to add this Olive pair to my collection soon.

Sometimes my feet just need a break from big heels. These low wedges, from Nine West (check the DSW website for them) look great with a skirt or under a pair of jeans or cotton pants.

I love these sandal/heels hybrid shoes from Franco Sarto. So ethnic, so spring, so I must own them asap.

I absolutely love this woven shoulder bag, from Cole Haan. I'd take off that ugly long strap and just wear it over my shoulder.

And finally, I'd love to add a cute spring jacket to my wardrobe. Neutrals are great, but I also love this little pink number, from Old Navy.

One thing that will not be on my list this spring... short sleeve button down shirts! Please don't let me buy them - I keep giving them away at every book club!

Happy shopping.

Would You Like to Swing on a Star?

Yup, that title has NOTHING to do with this blog, but that song has been stuck in my head for some reason.

Anyhow, lets talk January and February. They are well known as the boring black hole of the fashion world. The fall colors have faded. The holiday hype is over. That cardigan with beaded trim that looked adorable in December? Well if you wear it now, face it, you're going to look like an ass. And, thus, we're left in a fashion rut. Its too ordinary a time for fancy sweaters and cute red dresses with tights; its too damn cold for the spring items that you suddenly long for the minute January first hits. Is that just me?

Pre-spring fever. I know it well.

It was the winter of 1992. For some bizarre reason, my friend Jen and I were unreasonably obsessed with Olympic figure skating, and all things Olympics that year. We even dragged her dad to Nassau Coliseum to see the Tour of Champions... but I digress.

Late that winter, perhaps in February, I was perusing Marshalls (yes, even as a 14 year old I was a huge fan) and I came upon a white pair of tennis shorts (no I didn't play tennis). These were not your ordinary tennis shorts. They were embroidered, in gold, with "USA" and the Olympic rings. Oh, how I had to have these shorts! I happily dipped into my babysitting money and plunked down $9.99 plus tax for these wonderful shorts.

Naturally, I wasn't allowed to wear them until it was "warm enough."

Then, one day it was a beautiful sunny winter morning... You know the sort of morning I'm talking about; you can smell that spring is around the corner; you want to will the crocuses out of the ground because it will confirm your belief that Spring is, indeed, on a short time away.

It was probably about 50 degrees.

Dammit, I was going to wear those shorts come Hell or high water. After much argument, fruitless on the part of my mother, she finally threw her hands in the air and told me to do whatever (the hell) I wanted to do.

And, I probably froze my ass off that day... but the fact of the matter was that those special shorts were my little bit of spring in the winter. My little bit of inspiration that the dreary gray days would seen be replaced by lush greens and yellows and pinks and blues. And maybe a new purse.

Now that I'm an adult, I probably won't be wearing Olympic themed tennis shorts to work anytime soon, and so I turn to shells and camisoles to brighten my winter days and remind me that spring, is indeed, on its way.


This bright yellow shell from Old Navy is a shot of sunshine beneath a gray suit.

I'd throw on this camisole, from Patterson J. Kincaid, with dark skinny jeans, boots, and a cream colored sweater.


This white shell, from Trina Turk, is so much more special than the typical white shell.

I like this camisole, from Gap, however, I do not like the model's head in this photo. She looks like a sleepy gazelle.

This aqua color is my favorite spring staple, by Ella Moses.

This shell, from Milly Louisa, is great under a suit now, and great with bare arms and a pencil skirt in May.

Oh Loft, how I love ye, and how I also love this pale blue shell.

I wouldn't feel like spring, to me, without some stripes. From Loft.

Ok Heather, we get the point. You love Loft.

A satiny tie dyed sorta looking thing, from the Limited.

If I were to put on this tank, from Express, I'd feel like Gretel frolicking around the forest looking for breadcrumbs.

This shell, from Banana Republic, feels like a warm weather vacation to me.

This shell is from Banana and it is also the color of a banana. Coincidence? Well, probably.

This is the shell I would wear if I was a funky abstract artist living in Soho. From. Anthropologie.

If I were to guest star on Star Trek, and they told me to wear a shell, I'd pick out this little number, from Anthropologie, because its called the Andromeda shell. Obviously this reminds me of the Andromeda galaxy, Duh.

Once you go black...

If you sit down with me on the couch and look through some Heather photo albums from, say, 2003 through 2010, you will find numerous photos of me wearing a certain black v-neck jersey top from Express. I bought this top, on Ebay of all places, when I was a mere 24 years old. It has seen me through many a job interview, many a day at work, as well as many a drunken night at the Nutty Irishman in Bay shore.

The top is beloved to me; it has seen me through both size 12 and size 6, always seeming to magically conform to my body-of-the-moment. Its like the Giving Tree, but in shirt form. There are many elements about this shirt that make it a timeless chink in the armor of my wardrobe - its jersey, its washable, it has a flattering cut - but most of all, the thing that makes it a staple that I keep going back to is one that I'm sure you can all identify with me on: its black.

I have a series of basically the same pair of black dress pants, from the Limited or Loft, in sizes 12, 10, 8, and 6. Oh, these pants have been on the journey of life with me. They're one of the few items that I keep, despite the fact that they might not fit me anymore. Recently, a beloved pair of black pants from the Limited finally admitted defeat - its zipper, even after having been replaced twice by the tailor, finally zipped its last zip. They're pants that I had faithfully worn to work once a week for years, as well as dressed up many times for holiday parties and the like. Did I pack them up for the Goodwill? Oh no. I folded up the pair and placed them, ceremoniously, into the bottom drawer of my dresser, where old clothes go to have their final rest. You've served me well, little black pants soldier. Now rest.

Black = slimming. Black = flattering. Black doesn't show your thigh topography. Black slims your legs, arms and mid section like no other. Hell, even black underwear makes your bottom half look not-so-bad in the bathroom mirror. There's a reason why fashion lore dictates that you should own a little BLACK dress. Its a classic for a reason.

From time to time you'll hear people allege, "brown/gray/red/leopard print/etc is the new black."

Blasphemy.

There is only one black.

Especially during this holiday time of year, which for me is a Roman-Style-Orgy eating fest on most nights, I turn to staple items in black to get me through. They make me look good, which, in turn, translates to making me feel good. Isn't that what's important, after all? Diets start on New Years Day. Until then, I say, break out the black wool gabardine and rich black velvet.

This top, from Loft, looks like you were digging through your attic, and you came upon a secret trunk. When you opened it, you discovered a whole pile of well-preserved clothes that your Grandma wore to the Copacabana in 1931.

This drapy top, from Banana Republic, is very elegant. However, I hate the models hair cut. It reminds me of my hair circa 8th grade. It was a bad hair year.

I'm likely going to order this black top, from Anthropologie. Its stylish, yet loose, so I can feel comfortable eating that extra dozen cookies. I'd love it with gray skinny trousers and big dangley earrings. Perhaps a maroon velvet shoe would tie the whole look together. Great, now I have to go and find all of those items as well and purchase them.

You know I'm a huge fan of the one shoulder top, here from The Limited. Again, the loose fit of the top is great for hiding the holiday pooch. Or just a really ugly belly button. Either one.

I saved this photo, from Loft, because I thought that a simple black cardigan was a must have for every woman, but to be honest, I love the whole look here. The black lace overlay skirt is a great holiday item, and if you throw it over black tights, the overall look will be very slimming. Plus, the flowered belt/cardigan/pencil skirt look reminds me of my good friend JPS.

This slouchy cardigan, from Tinley Road, is deal for hiding a muffin top.

If there's one thing we learned from the 80's, its that nothing hides a little extra belly bloat, and creates an hourglass silhouette, like a good structured blazer. This one is from Loft. Thanks Crocket and Tubbs, thanks.


A classic wool blazer, from Jcrew, will be hiding your holiday weight gain for years to come.


We all know that everyone must own at least one little black dress. This one, form the Limited, is a good option because it is a thick cotton pique knit. Its forgiving, but the fabric is thick enough so that you won't see any of that pesky cellulite. Pair it with patterned tights and a brightly colored sweater, and you're all set for work.


This model looks like an ugly giraffe, but I like her dress, from The Limited.

You need not spend a pile of cash to add a great little black dress to your wardrobe. This one, from Old Navy, is a classic baby doll shape and costs like $2.

Ah, the black pencil skirt. Can you live without it? I vote no. This one, from Loft, is a classic shape that will never go out of style.


When I was 5, I would have thought this skirt, from Anthropologie (who else?), was the greatest thing ever. I might have even worn it on my head. Now, I'm not sure how I would wear this item, but just looking at it makes me feel like a big, festive, holiday ballerina.


I'm sure you all have your favorite brand of jeans. Mine are Long and Lean from the Gap. This year, they're offering them in black. A great alternative to the standard blue on a casual Friday.

The go-to work pant of 99% of American woman - the black trouser. I prefer mine to be in a nice wide leg cut, like these from Ann Taylor.


I've been told that Gap tights are the Cadillac of hosiery.


If you wear these Nine West/Boutique 9 platform heels with black tights and a black skirt, your legs will look eight miles long, and no one will suspect that you ate an entire plate of struffoli last night.

Does your back hurt because you've been lugging around an extra holiday ten pounds? Wear these wedge shoes, from Chinese Laundry, as the wedge redistributes the weight and relieves the pressure on your toes.


What are your holiday colors? Red and Green? Blue and Silver? Nay! I say 'tis the season to be sleek in black. Like a cat. Meow. I'm a black cat. Kinda like Halle Berry as Cat Woman, but better and not furry.